By Angela Grear
I am a big fan of yoga pants. I wear them almost every day. Truth is I don’t even do Yoga and I am willing to bet that 68% of the people that wear yoga pants don’t either. I wear them for their superior comfort plain and simple. For that reason I propose that we drop the Yoga and just call them “Superior Pants”. I will save that battle for another day though. While they are superior in lots of ways a yoga pant can go very wrong very fast.You see what I mean? I urge you to wear them with discretion. I personally am very particular about them and have several important criteria for my yoga pant.
The criteria are:
They must be cotton
They can’t be too tight or too loose
They have to have a wide flat waistband
They can’t give me camel toe (sorry, but it’s a rule of mine)
Criteria #1: They must be cotton
I prefer cotton because they seem less like workout clothes and are so soft and cozy. The shiny nylon ones make me feel like I need to be wearing them with a sporty tank or sports bra and as I said before I don’t wear them to workout. Honestly, I am just lazy and don’t want to put the effort into pulling together a cute outfit for my day of dropping off and picking up kids, cleaning house, going to the grocery store, or on a good day painting.
Criteria #2: They can’t be too tight or too loose
This one is super important and very hard to accomplish. If you get them too tight you look, well, you look kind of skanky lets be honest here. You also don’t want them too tight especially if you refuse to wear a thong with them. I am one who will not wear a thong with yoga pants. I know I know but hear me out here. A thong with yoga pants totally defeats the purpose. I wear them for comfort and if I have to wear a thong with my yoga pants I am anything but comfortable and commando is not an option for me because its skanky. Almost all of my friends are all like “Oh you just don’t buy the right kind of thong. You need blah blah brand and it will be comfortable” or “ You get used to them and don’t even feel them after awhile”. Well, I call bull crap on that noise. Thongs are uncomfortable the end. Ok I could go on and on about why thongs are uncomfortable but I will continue with my original mission…..Back to yoga pants. If you get them too loose it looks like you have a load of doo doo in your pants and they fall down if you actually do anything active like walking briskly for example. They need to be just right. They are hard to find but they are out there.
Criteria #3: They have to have a wide flat waistband
This is important believe it or not. There are two types of unacceptable yoga pants. I am referring to the ones with the fold down waist and the ones with a thin elastic waistband. Let me explain. The ones with the fold down waist are bad news. First, they look like a fat roll under your shirt if they are not perfectly folded down smooth. Second, if you fold them down too far your actual fat roll will plop over top of them. It’s not a good look. The problem with the pants with the thin elastic waistband is very similar to the problem with fold down ones. If you hoist them too high to tuck in your fat not only do you get camel toe (which I will go into later) but you appear to have a big rounded belly. The tiny thin waistband traps all your ugly parts just beneath it resulting in the big belly issue. If you have had someone ask you when your baby is due and you aren’t actually pregnant this may be your problem. Then if you pull them down a little to fix the above problems then your muffin topping all over the place. That, my friends, is why you always go for the wide flat waistband. Something about it just works. It sits right where it’s supposed to and keeps your lumpy parts in check.
Criteria #4: They can’t give me camel toe
Camel toe is not a good look and it’s fairly uncomfortable. Camel toe in a yoga pant is the direct result of having an ill-fitting pant. If you have to hike your pants up too high to make your fat distribute properly you get camel toe without exception. So, when shopping for a yoga pant always try them on. Don’t get too caught up admiring your butt and how they make your tummy look flat. Be sure to gaze down and check for the dreaded camel toe.